More aluminum than iron

What happens when nothing makes sense in your life? When all the things you thought God was doing come crashing down around you? Where do you run? Who do you turn to? When you’re trying to be obedient and yet life just keeps getting harder?

If I’m honest, I text my friends about the crap that’s going down and then I cry out to God. Obviously it should be the opposite way. Yet, I find myself looking at Him as some ephemeral spirit being, and that makes it hard for me to connect. I tell myself He knows what He’s doing and He loves me, but what if everything in life feels like the total opposite? What then?

Bust out Scripture? Listen to your friend’s Biblical placations?

I just lead a small group of women through James 1:2-4 and we ascertained that counting it all joy meant cheerful endurance in the midst of hard times. I’m certainly not cheerfully enduring any of this.

Ever been so frustrated with life that all the platitudes and Biblical references just become annoying? That’s where I am, right now.

In realizing that, I think, I shouldn’t be teaching/leading these ladies at all. My faith journey is a disaster. I’m more aluminum than I am iron at the moment.

Yet, here I am with 3 opportunities to lead/teach and I’m so emotionally slammed I don’t know how I’ll make it through the next day. Ever been there? So exhausted you just wanna call it quits? Or at the very least, call a time out or put yourself there?

I really don’t know what God’s doing to me. But, I have to believe that He really is working all this nonsense together for my good because I truly do love Him. And though my faith might be smaller than a mustard seed right now, He’s promised to be faithful when I’m faithless.

Trust ain’t easy for me, but I really don’t have any other/better option. How ’bout you?

6 comments

  1. Everytime I read these I feel like you’re in my head!!!! I love your blogs!!! Thank you for sharing! I will be praying for you.

  2. I for one am thankful that someone that isn’t trying to pretend it’s all butterflies and roses is teaching us. So…even though you feel like aluminum leading the class makes you iron in my book.

  3. I have definitely had times when I was so frustrated with life that I asked God, “Why? What did I do to deserve this?” I’ve come to realize that I just have to trust that what’s going on in my life has a purpose, even though I may never know what that purpose is. If I don’t hold onto this trust/hope, I’ll go insane; maybe literally! It’s really hard when things don’t go the way I thought they would. I have to remind myself to keep trusting God, even when I don’t like what’s happening. You’re in my prayers, old friend! 🙂

    1. Nat, thanks, old friend! I think we all go through those moments where trust is hard. This morning it hit me that my hope needs to be in Him not in what’s going on, or what expectations I might have for the future. That’s a challenging thing to do though. But, we’re told to hope in the unseen. And, really, when you think about it, we have no real control over these circumstances anyway, so we can get mad and upset about them or recognize that His hand is in it all. I suspect the latter is always our best answer.

Leave a Reply to Michelle Cancel reply