I told the ladies in my prayer group that I was struggling with determining what it was I was supposed to ask of God. If you recall, I mentioned that issue in the piece called Pure Prayer. But the thought was brought back to me because a friend sent me an email yesterday with more “ask Me,” Scriptures. So, I admitted to these women that I didn’t know what I was supposed to ask. And then this lady had the gall to say to me, “Yes you do. Maybe you’re afraid to ask.”
I hope she’s reading this piece because even though she doesn’t know me, she hit the nail on the head and it really slammed me this morning. So, thanks a lot, lady (notice the sarcasm- though I am smiling while I type).
She was right.
I know what my heart desires, but I have kept trying to put limits on the request. Like I needed to reign God’s potential to answer in. Like I still wanted to able to call the shots if I asked for this big thing. But the truth is, when you surrender to God, you have to fully recognize the fact that you aren’t in control. And, you have to be willing to do whatever He asks of you. Especially when He tells you to ask and you know He’s going to answer, and that’s so freaking scary!
Yes, woman, I am afraid of what this request and the answer that ensues, will entail. Part of me wishes you had kept your mouth shut, but I am glad that God has the ability to speak truth through you. That’s always an impressive quality in a believer. So, maybe I should call you sister, instead of woman. Whatever. The fact is, I asked this morning and though the tears that streamed were short lived, I was awakened an hour before my alarm because He wanted me to talk to Him about this.
I have often heard that you should make specific requests of God. And, while I understand the thought processes behind it, I also feel like that means you are telling Him what to do. You are not being free with your faith and trust in His ability to provide the request as He best sees fit. That’s why I couldn’t ask before. I thought I needed to pick the right thing, say the right words, delineate exactly what I wanted. But what I want is bigger than any one thing. And how can I hem God in? So, I asked. And He will be glorified in the answer no matter what method He chooses to pursue.
Are you wondering what I asked? I can tell you what I wanted to ask… Best selling book. Publishing company. Write books and Bible studies. Successful shop. Those were all the individual requests that came into my mind, but none of them felt like the right thing. I couldn’t seem to pinpoint the motive or trust myself to have chosen which was the best request.
Last night, someone prayed with me. She prayed something along these lines, “Give her a ministry that reaches tons of people…with her words and her writing.” That was the catalyst of my “asking” this morning.
I love Jesus. I REALLY love Jesus because I am so utterly unworthy of the LOVE He has for me.
My heart wants to scream that love, and yes, I do a lot of it through my fingers on a keyboard or on a pen. But sometimes, I do it with my voice. So, my request had to be big enough to allow Him to use all of that. I asked Him for a booming ministry that brings many people to know Him.
Now we wait and see how He chooses to answer.
Featured image by Michael Trout (Flickr)