Actually, that statement has a lot more power for me than I initially intended for it. It’s over was simply meant to suggest that the holiday we all call Thanksgiving has come to an end. But, it’s over, has actually been a theme for me this year. My living as a stay at home mom is over. My marriage is over. My title as “wife” is over. My thirties are over. My childbearing is over. But, you know what, sometimes the “it’s overs” are actually just the predecessors to “it’s new.”
Sure, I may not be a stay at home anymore, but I am a new business owner. Sure, I may not be a wife anymore, but I am a newly free woman with eyes opened to how I have truly seen myself all these years. I never realized just how much my own negative image affected the choices I have made in this life. When you walk around thinking no one cares, you are not too surprised to find out that those who are supposed to, don’t. And though that doesn’t make it hurt any less, it does make it less of a surprise.
I had dinner with my family yesterday as many of us do, and it was ok. There was less laughing this year and more agitation. Could it be due to the fact all my siblings and I have had failed relationships and sitting at the table makes us recall our own shortcomings since we are now alone? Or, could it be the anticipation of the judgment from the older generation who insists that when things were broken you fixed them instead of getting rid of them? Well, here’s a newsflash: sometimes that TV, that microwave, that vacuum, that lawnmower, ain’t gonna work no matter how you fix and rig it.
I’m certain that I tried to do all I could to be a good wife and I kept the house as clean I was capable and cooked meals to the greatest degree of my ability. But, it was never going to be enough. Some people are too broken to mend and placing that blame on the spouse that leaves, is unacceptable. So, sure, it’s over, but it’s time for a new life. One in which I don’t have to worry about constantly failing to please. Instead, I’ve got to start figuring out how to accept the fact that God is pleased with me, no strings, no conditions, just unending unconditional love, no matter where or who I’ve been.
Praise God for the “it’s overs” that wake us up and let us see, it’s new!