I have no idea what your upbringing looked like. But maybe you can admit that the way you view your earthly dad directly affects the way you see our Heavenly Father. Perhaps you always wanted to make your dad proud and yet, you never felt like you were capable of achieving that.
When I returned to my faith in 2008, it didn’t dawn on me that my relationship with God would take on a similar perspective. Therefore, when I heard His call to write, I assumed that I would do something “great” with it. When my “then” husband suggested that I would write a “best-seller” I took that task on.
Thusly, when the best-seller didn’t come, and the devotional magazine didn’t draw any financial benefits, I felt I had failed. In truth, I have walked around the majority of my life feeling as though I have failed, as though I am not good enough and don’t have the potential to ever be thus.
Obviously, these are untruths that I have allowed to infiltrate my mind and therefore must be exterminated. I’m writing a book about all that as well. In case you struggle with the same issues, keep your eyes out for that piece in the near future.
But, the real problem is assigning fallacy to God. It dawned on me that, “God’s pride is found, not in my accomplishments, but in my obedience.” So, the only time I “fail” Him is when I choose to disobey Him. Those are also the moments in life when I see things falling apart, the works of my hand profiting me little, so to speak.
As long as I am walking in His will and His way, even the bad things don’t hurt as bad. Like, when I had to leave my marriage. That was pretty awful, but I had Him and His direction and support. However, I then decided to focus on my own abilities and things started to fall apart. Thankfully, I have some great friends who whip me back into shape and remind me what and WHO is important in this life.
If you don’t have people like that, you need to get connected to a faith-based organization. I’m not saying “go to church.” Church people have a tendency to be a disaster.
But like I said to a recent customer who admitted she was “sweating like a sinner in church,” that’s where you find some of the biggest sinners. The good thing about that, is they know where the cleansing and relief can be found, in the arms of Jesus and those who choose to follow Him. You need those people and they need you. Find some.